The Freedom to Redefine Success

As I struggled to stand up after falling on the slopes, I asked myself: Am I even having fun?

Fifteen frustrating minutes later—still trying to get my skis back on—my friends checked in. “Are you okay?” they asked. Physically, I was fine. Emotionally? I felt stressed, discouraged, and completely out of my element.

So, I paused. Took a sip of water. I asked myself some bigger questions:

Why am I still skiing in my early 60s?
What’s the point of this ski vacation?
What am I really afraid of?

While my friends continued to more challenging slopes, I made a different choice. I stepped away and headed for the easier runs, where I could rebuild my confidence and find some joy.

As I boarded a slow-moving ski lift, an older gentleman—probably in his 80s—joined me. The lift moved so leisurely that we could have written the great American novel before reaching the top! Instead, we talked. I confessed that I felt like I was “wimping out” by avoiding the more challenging runs. He smiled and said, Find your joy—on whatever slopes feel right. You’re on vacation, after all.

That short conversation shifted everything.

In that moment, I realized that I had been living by an old script: that life is about pushing yourself to the limit, always striving for the next challenge, always proving something. But was that true? Did I have to tackle the most demanding slopes to be worthy?

Or could I allow myself to enjoy skiing for what it was—a chance to feel the thrill of gliding down the mountain, on runs that brought me delight?

Something inside me softened as I skied down a series of scenic green runs. The anxiety I had about “taking the easy way out” began to dissolve. I wasn’t competing. I wasn’t proving anything. I was just being. And that felt incredibly freeing.

Redefining What Matters

Skiing has always been an interesting metaphor for me. I started in my 30s—not for the love of the sport, but as a way to meet new people (especially men!). Back then, I approached it like I did tennis, where I had been a top-ranked junior and a successful collegiate and young adult competitive player. Even though I had no intention of becoming a professional skier, I still pushed myself. I took lessons, learned to navigate black diamond runs, and faced my fears of steeper slopes.

But life changes. Priorities evolve.

With the pandemic, I skied less. My skill level shifted. And I had to ask myself: Do I really need to challenge myself in everything? Do I have to define my worth by how much I push myself? That mindset had served me well in my career and competitive sports, but did it still serve me now—on a vacation, no less?

In that moment on the ski lift, I had my “A-ha” realization: I didn’t need to measure myself by performance. I could choose joy, and that would be enough.

What Standards No Longer Serve You?

We all carry old beliefs about what we should do—some of which no longer align with who we are today. Where might this be happening in your life? Maybe you always say yes to trips with friends, even when you no longer want to go. Maybe you’re the one who always plans the dinners, even though the thought now exhausts you.

The key is to notice these moments of stress, stay curious, and ask yourself: Does this still serve me? If not, it might be time to rewrite the script. You might be pleasantly surprised by the lightness that follows.