How to Work for Darth Vader Without Joining the Dark Side

Darth Vader appears to be alive and well in business.  I was coaching a senior executive and she described her key challenge as managing her boss that she likened to Darth Vader.  I was surprised to hear this. I haven’t heard or thought much about Darth Vader since Star Wars or when Dick Cheney was referred to as Darth Vader.  When I asked my client, whom I will call Stacey, to describe her boss, whom I will call Vader, she said that he was very ambitious, tough, demanding, and controlling.  Vader was not a warm touchy feely type.  But, when I probed to learn more, Stacey said that Vader had stated and demonstrated that he wants Stacey to succeed in her senior leadership role and had given her a coach (me) to succeed.  In other words, Darth Vader has a heart and cares about certain people.  My client agreed that Vader wanted her to advance but Stacey still wasn’t sure how to build a trusting and productive relationship with him.  Therein resides the challenge of working with Vader.Given that I was going to coach Stacey, I felt the urge to reconnect with the original Vader. So, I watched two key Star Wars Movies:  The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. In the Empire Strikes Back I was reminded of Vader’s leadership principles:  one way communication, “you will do this, or else,” kill all subordinates/messengers who don’t achieve results, NO excuses, be decisive, speak in a loud monotonic voice and of course always wear a black cape and helmet!  In the second movie, Return of the Jedi, Vader becomes human as he saves his son’s life.  These movies reminded me of the complexity of leadership because most of these strategies have their place in today’s business world albeit with less violent outcomes.From my experience in working with tough Vader like characters, the key to an effective working relationship is to avoid joining the dark side which I refer to as getting stuck in negative emotions like anger, revenge or resignation.  The challenge is to see these people as human beings who may be deathly afraid to show their vulnerability and care for others for fear that they will lose their edge and be unable to conquer the world.  The crucial words are CARE and SUCCEED.  Given that many of these Vader characters tend to be men (some are women too), it is not acceptable in the western world for men or ambitious women to show too much vulnerability in the workplace especially in competitive industries.  You will increase the odds of building a stronger relationship with Vader if you can find a way to connect to what they CARE about and to help them and the organization SUCCEED.   Unless your Vader is a Machiavellian or unethical person, you will be on your way to a more productive relationship, one small step at a time. I can’t emphasize this enough…start small.  (See recommended reading for more information)The three techniques include:

1. Find a way to “fit” with the person’s needs for information. The first step to building trusting relationships is to assume that everyone has needs around how much attention, contact, and recognition they want from others.  Some people have very high needs and view having people constantly run things by them and being given frequent updates on big and small issues as energizing and critical for them to feel comfortable working with someone. Whereas those with low needs only want updates on a much less frequent basis.  The challenge is that research shows that there is NO normal or logical connection between the way someone behaves and the way he or she prefers to be treated.  The general strategy for enhancing the “fit” is twofold:  determine through inquiry and trial and error what type of information people want, in what format and to gradually expand the number of positive hits with the person by satisfying their high or low needs.
2. Be aware of how you manage your emotions so you don’t end up on the dark side. The key to effectively communicating with people is making sure that there is coherence between your words and the emotion.  In other words, the right words with the wrong emotion will give a completely different message.  Most people focus on the words and give very little attention to the emotions.  When you have high trust with someone, this is less of an issue because the person will give you the benefit of the doubt. But if there is low trust, you will need to make sure that you are staying in a neutral to positive emotion.  Research on emotions shows that when you are experiencing a negative emotion, your thoughts are more limited and fixated versus positive emotions that can produce unusual, flexible, and creative thoughts and lead to more creative action. (Transforming Anxiety, 2006, by Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Ph.D). The challenge with emotions is that if you are not self-aware, your anger at someone could turn into resignation and you begin giving up and/or become passive aggressive.  The general strategy is to be aware of your emotions as this is 80% of any change and then to learn to communicate from a more powerful or positive place.
3. Make clear agreements. The Vaders of the world can tend to give orders like “get it done” or I expect this on my desk by tomorrow morning!  Or, they expect that people can read their minds and figure out what they need. And, if you are intimated by them and don’t want to look stupid by asking questions, you risk being reprimanded later.  Vader’s expect results and it is better to meet and exceed expectations and beat the deadlines when possible.  The general strategy is to approach the conversation with a mindset of assuming innocence and use a combination of active listening skills such as repeating what has been said and checking assumptions and end with some kind of promise or agreement and then follow-up, follow-up, and follow-up.

Let me explain how this works using a couple of real examples from previous coaching clients.First, let’s return to Stacey.  As Stacey and I worked together, what became clear was that Stacey was annoyed with Vader’s behavior which included a demand for frequent updates in person and via email, a request that she constantly keep him informed on big and small projects, and a singling out of her group’s challenges in group settings.  What is obvious to me as an outsider is that there is not a strong “fit” between Stacey and Vader regarding their needs for information and frequency of updates.  I asked Stacey to explain why Vader’s behavior was so annoying.  Stacey prefers to be left alone and doesn’t feel the need to share or speak up unless there is big news – either good or bad.  She wants to be trusted to do her job as long as she is getting the desired results.  Stacey feels that Vader doesn’t trust her and is therefore annoyed.  Once Stacey realized that Vader’s needs were not a personal attack on her work, Stacey made the choice to gradually increase the frequency of informal and formal communications.  This involved sending him a few more emails each day, dropping by an informal basis one additional time each week, and offering a specific compliment or supporting Vader’s view in a selective manner as you don’t want to go overboard. Vader gradually started sharing more with Stacey, not challenging her in group situations, and acting in a more supportive manner.  Stacey demonstrated respect for Vader’s approach without compromising her own values or by significantly altering her day.The emotions can be more challenging to manage.  The example I want to share involves a senior female consultant I will call Eleanor who was attempting to make partner.  Eleanor was hired because of her unique skills which meant that she would have to navigate her own path.  Every time Eleanor passed through one hurdle, the Darth Vader like management would appear to put up another hurdle.  She first became angry and annoyed and then gradually went over to the dark side and became discouraged and resigned that this was going to be a difficult if not impossible goal to achieve.  Her resigned mood was evident as she never came to an agreement at the conclusion of conversations regarding what milestones would be necessary to achieve her goal.  Finally Eleanor had an AHA moment as she realized that the lack of agreement was linked to her belief that she didn’t think she could make things happen.  She reassessed the situation and realized that the organization needed her skills and that there might be some possibility to make this work.  As Eleanor began to feel more powerful, she took ownership of defining goals and time frames and used clarifying questions and summarizing statements to ensure that everyone was on the same page.  She is now on a path to partnership.As you continue to manage the Vaders of the world, you need to keep your spirits up and take care of yourself so that you don’t take on the dark emotions.One of my favorite ways of keeping my spirits up  is to attend art exhibits.   I recently went to a hat exhibit in New York City at the Bard Graduate Center.  For those living in NYC, you shouldn’t miss this show!  This exhibit has come over from the Victoria and Albert museum in London.  One of the key milliners, Stephen Jones, designed Darth Vader’s helmet which when you look close up you can’t imagine how any human could possibly wear this helmet and be comfortable.  I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have that helmet on my head.  First, my hair would be ruined, then I would have to shout at people, forget making eye contact, and I guess I would have to get pleasure from giving loud commands!   In contrast, my favorite hat was one made of pink ostrich feathers – blend of edginess, boldness, irreverence, and imagination….  So, I would encourage you to find some hats that might put you in a good mood, make you laugh, or expand your view of what might be like to be someone else and what might be possible for yourself.