Innovation lessons from a 3 year old!

I never knew that 3 year olds had so much to offer!  Recently, I attended a presentation by Frans Johansson, the author of the Medici Effect, a fascinating book about the sources of innovation.  The speaker said research shows that our ability to see and find new connections decreases as we get older.  It turns out that 3-4 year olds have a 98% chance of generating genius ideas and it goes downhill from there, with 25 year olds having a 2% chance.  Where does that leave the rest of us?Recently, I spent the weekend with my almost 3-year-old nephew, Ted.  I watched him with awe.  He is quite a sturdy little fellow and flies around my brother’s house like a witch on a broom stick.  I was amazed to see that he didn’t have any major bruises or stitches.  I watched Ted slam into furniture, cry for 2 minutes, run to his mother for a hug, and then he was zipping around again like nothing happened.The 3-year old advantage is NOT that they are tenacious but rather that they are NOT bogged down by damaging labels that adults tend to attach to persistent mistakes.  We learn as adults that while making mistakes is necessary to learn and grow, negative perceptions and self-doubt can quickly develop after losing a big tennis match or getting fired that can be tough to forget.  Those that can quickly learn from mistakes, disregard them, and move on have a clear advantage.  But for those of us who have perfectionist tendencies, we seem to remember our mistakes even if we can’t find our car keys…As an executive coach, a big part of my job is to encourage, support, challenge and persuade my clients (high potential leaders) that there are benefits from taking some small risks.  There is usually a lot of debate, resistance, need for research/data, and discussion to gain agreement that taking this risk is worth it.  Rightfully so – as we are not 3 year olds.  Taking stupid risks or making serious mistakes can cost you your reputation, health, loss of confidence and self-esteem, loss of income and so on.  I have coached executives through regaining a damaged image and it is a tough process.How can we be more like the 3 year olds and increase the amount of risks we take without causing too much destruction?  Here are some ideas.

1. “Race around a small room or in your home.” Ted’s parents let him run loose in one small room.  In other words, take small safe steps when making big changes. The goal is to overcome the normal flight or fight response and to make it feel more natural.  Or as Frans says in his book the Medici Effect, break it down to the smallest possible step.  I was working with a female senior executive who was terrified of being vulnerable with her internal clients. She felt that she would lose power since she was leading a team in which she had organizational knowledge but not technical knowledge.  In other words, she knew how to get things done but wasn’t an expert on the content.  She felt threatened by her peers who knew more than she did which led her to feel obligated to listen to their lengthy arguments.  This left her annoyed and resentful.  Eventually, my client accepted that her strategy wasn’t working and we were able to take small steps to increase her influence.  We took the first step of helping her to let go of her resentment and realize her talent was on how to get things done within the organization.  And, she realized that she could still be confident even though she didn’t know everything.   We role played what possibilities this new view would bring to a conversation.  My client realized that she could admit if she didn’t know something, and the result was a quicker conversation that ended in agreement.  The final step was to try this new approach with a colleague with whom she had some trust. She was able to influence her without a long drawn-out conversation.  This gave her confidence to use these techniques with more challenging colleagues.  (In chapter two of my book is a step-by-step approach to taking smart risks)
2. “Race around the room with your parents nearby.” In other words, build a strategic supportive network that you can consult before and after you take risks. Research on the top 5% of people in large global government and businesses conducted by Joel Deluca (from his book, Political Savvy) found that these people participated in two behaviors more frequently than everyone else:  they built a wide and strategic network and they took more small risks.  The wide and strategic network creates a safety net for taking more risks. This means that there are many people who will give you the benefit of the doubt when you mess up. And, you will mess up...  One of the more painful examples of how not having a supportive network impacts results occurs with newly hired senior executives.  The challenge for these executives is that they lack the network they had in their previous organizations – which was critical to their success.  These lateral hires are much more vulnerable to false negative perceptions which can be formed fairly quickly.  For example, I worked with a new female partner in a small law firm who was hired to make the organization more efficient and effective.  This executive came in and starting telling people what to do using email as a primary communication medium without taking the time to listen, learns agendas, and build trust.  The result was that the lawyers and her boss branded her as insensitive, a poor listener, and a dictator.  It takes 4-to-7 consistent positive interactions to change a negative perception.  This took about a year of working together to change people’s negative perceptions and build a strong team and relationship with her boss.  ( In chapter three of my book there are steps to analyzing your network and building a more strategic network)
3. “When you bang into that table, cry, and then start racing again.” In other words, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and build a resilient mindset. I have coached many women and they will ask me:   how can I not cry or how can I be less sensitive?  These are the WRONG questions to ask.  The problem is NOT in the crying.  The problem is that if you don’t take enough risks, you don’t experience failure that often.  The lack of experience with constructive feedback and failure leaves one more vulnerable to experiencing negative emotions that last longer.  In other words, your recovery time between losses will take longer.  That is why if you want to become a world class tennis player, the strategy to succeed involves playing in numerous tournaments to build your resilience in recovering from losses.   And, research shows that women tend to be more emotional than men. This isn’t a negative. Rather, I am advocating that women need to learn how to manage their emotions and this begins with jumping in and taking small risks and messing up!  One of my favorite exercises  from my book is "Engaging in Safe Activities" (page 37).  This involves taking up an activity that you are NOT skilled in such as skiing, chess, or entering a public speaking contest.  Success is about challenging yourself to go outside of your comfort zone rather than doing it well.  Give yourself credit for just doing the activity, for learning, and congratulate yourself for participating and messing up!

This may seem as if I am advocating making a mess of yourself!  Hardly.  It takes a lot of courage and confidence to ask for help, try new things, and yes, it is ok to cry if you are disappointed. Just don’t stay there too long.  These exercises will get you closer to the resiliency of a 3-year old and possibly to genius ideas…..