Let go to lean in

Lean in has become the latest buzz word for women today thanks to Sheryl Sandberg and her newly published book (plus, this month's recommended reading).  She has ignited a focus on the topic of how can we get more women CEOs and senior leaders. The book's thesis is that women don't rise to the top in part becausetheir self-limiting beliefs hold them back. They don't believe they can do it, and as a result, it leads to actions where they lean back or drop out or they don’t make their partner a real partner.The challenge is how do you change those defeating beliefs?I facilitate a year-long women's leadership program.  While there are many components to this program,one of the most fascinating to me is to watch how the women handle the section on sharing something meaningful about themselves and their careers.  This is where I witness how the women move beyond self-limiting beliefs.At the beginning of the 12 month program, very few women share things.  If they do share, it tends to be a more formal affair.  For example, they might share a promotion, a wedding, a business change, or what actions they are taking to achieve their career goals.   Fast forward 9 months, these sharing conversations have completely changed from one of telling to one of being vulnerable.The one that stands out the most involves admitting a struggle.  The woman who I will call Barbara got up and began by saying:  "I am a perfectionist in recovery."  She then proceeded to share how she was reading Sheryl's book and realized that her perfectionism was holding her back.  Barbara said “I am 38 and a half and I realize I want a family but am afraid because I don’t think I can do everything!”  She has a good job and was told she could be up for a promotion.  Yikes!Barbara realized that she wants to go for both.  To do so means that she will have to decide what things she needs to do well, what things she will need to accept that it is acceptable to just do an OK job in AND what she needs to let go of.  Therefore, she has talked with her boss about taking the new position/role along with asking to telecommute one day a week.Barbara’s vulnerability before the group inspired others to share how they too are afraid to say no to tasks and want to delegate more while others have asked to be on assignments that will help them grow but are outside their comfort zone.  This is the irony for ambitious people, to continue to grow means letting go and loosening up those rigid standards of success.If you are ambitious and want to continue to grow your career and a have a life outside of work, I have two questions for you to ponder:1.  What are your top 3-5 priorities in life and work?  Are you spending any time on the things you enjoy or want most in your life?2.  What is ONE self-limiting belief or activity that you can let go of or not strive for perfection on that will move you towards your ideal life?For me, these two questions have helped me get back to playing tennis after many years.  I now leave my office at 5:30 once a week to play two-hours of doubles.  I have given up striving to be the top ranked player I used to be! I encourage all of you to think of what can you let go of to enjoy your life more...and tell me what is your one self-limiting belief that you will let go of?  In the meantime, I have to run...it is time to lace up my tennis shoes!