Smart Power
It is a hot summer day and I have been running all over the city to finally arrive home at 7:45pm. I am looking forward to putting my feet up and having a cold beverage but then I remember that it is the evening of my building’s first summer social. I live in a small apartment building in New York City which has a lovely roof deck that is bigger than my apartment. The party had just started at 7:30pm; I was already starving but this was just a drinking party. As I debate whether I want to go or not, my practical brain reminded me I needed to.
Why? Recently, we have had several new people move on to our floor. One of them has a large dog that manages to bark for an hour in the middle of the day. Given that I work at home, I need to have a conversation with this neighbor about this annoying dog. I had literally just met this woman as she moved in a few weeks earlier. I didn’t want this woman hating me for telling her to put a muffle on the big critter...BUT I can’t do my work with constant barking! Plus, the last time I had a problem with a noisy neighbor with three loud children, it took numerous conversations and actual formal complaints before the issue was resolved. I realized this was my chance to talk to her before having to make an official complaint.
I trudged up to the party and brought a few beers. There was a lively little soirée going on and the woman with the dog was there. Of course, I avoided her and questioned do I really want to ruin the party? I spoke with many people before finally working my way over to her. We started to chat and much to my surprise, she asked me whether the dog’s barking was bothering me. Given that I had one beer already, I thought ok why not talk about this potential sensitive issue. I said yes that the dog barked for about an hour between 2 to 3pm. The woman looked horrified and profusely apologized; she said she would do something about it. I thanked them and we continued our chat on other topics...
The
next day, immediately I noticed there was NO barking! I've seen my neighbor in the hall and she asked if the dog barks...it hasn’t been an issue ever since! I realized that parties are the perfect opportunity to expand one’s influence as people are more relaxed and open, especially after a drink or two.
In my work as an executive coach, I usually talk with most of my clients about the importance of attending networking events such as company or in this case building parties. These informal social gatherings with key business and/or personal colleagues are a good way to build trust, form relationships, and even resolve problems!
Attending key informal social events is a form of smart power. Smart power is the combination of soft power (ie. charisma, vision, and communication) and hard power (ie. coercion, enforcing rules/laws, or payment) in the right mix in the appropriate context. I think most of us would prefer to use soft power more often than hard if possible. I was thrilled that I didn’t have to make an official complaint to the building’s board and we could resolve things peacefully.
As fall begins and the holiday season beckons, most of us will have a certain number of parties and work social events to attend. Some of you may love them but many of you may dread them. I am somewhere in the middle. I enjoy parties in general but too much forced socializing can be a drag. So, I think about how I muffled the neighbor’s dog through soft power and I ask myself, can this networking event help me build relationships that are important to my life or career?
If the answer is yes, then put on a BIG smile, grab a drink, and practice smart power!
If you want to learn more about smart power, this month's recommended reading is about the former secretary of state, Hillary Clinton called
"The Secretary: A Journey with Hillary Clinton from Beirut to the Heart of American Power,”
by Kim Ghattas. It is a firsthand account of how Clinton became the first secretary of state to implement smart power by reaching out and rebuilding relationships and repositioning America as a leader in a changed world. Also, check out my
on
“How Leaders Create and Use Networks”
that can help you build your smart power.