The Confidence Secret: Why Serena Williams Lost and How She Can Get It Back!
I always wondered how Roger Federer, the winner of 14 Grand Slams, continued to effectively compete and be #2 in the world at ripe age of 34. I finally understand his secret by seeing him play at this year's US Open and came away learning something new about confidence that can help Serena and the rest of us mortals.My brother Randal texted me after Serena Williams won her 3rd round match at the US Open against Bethany Matteks-Sands. He had watched the thrilling three set match with his daughter, my 10-year old niece Eleanor and believes Serena is an excellent role model for young girls about how to be strong, fight and go for your goals. I was so proud since my brother and niece are not avid tennis fans like me, but are being positively influenced by Serena.However then, the unseeded Italian Roberta Vinci came along in the semi-finals and spoiled Serena’s dream of winning a calendar grand slam to become one of the greatest players, as well my hopes too. During Serena's semi-final's game, she had that pained look resembling someone going through a fight for her life versus a confident athlete. She was stern and never smiled, while constantly yelling “come-on”at herself after every point she won, and looked like she might cry at a moment's notice. She even smashed her racket after losing the second set.During her pre-match press interviews, Serena kept saying “I told you guys I don’t feel pressure. I never felt pressure.” But, I don’t think Serena believed herself for one minute as it was never convincing. Her coach said that she seemed to lose her way mentally. To me, Serena’s self-talk seemed to be one of, “I have to win this Grand Slam. I am the #1 ranked player and everyone left in the tournament is not even close to me. I am a perfectionist and I expect myself to be the best. Nothing less is acceptable.” There was no evidence of self-compassion or expression of some vulnerability that she was scared of not winning. On the other hand, Roberta Vinci said her approach was to enjoy herself, don’t think about Serena, and run...after that tennis ball!Serena's self-talk is similar to how her, me, and millions of other perfectionists beat up on themselves because we hate losing. As perfectionists, we rarely give ourselves a break and our identity is correlated with our win-loss record. This was evident in Serena’s second round win against the qualifier, Kiki Bertens. Serena barely won the first set in a tie-breaker. At the end of the match, after quickly dispatching Bertens in the second set, when the umpire said game, set and match to Serena, she stood there without a tangible show of joy, although having won. Fifteen minutes later, she was already out on the practice courts with her coach practicing for 2 hours. She said, “Other people may be satisfied with mediocre performance, but not me. I want to be the best.”In Serena’s strive to be the best and beat records, she lost touch with herself and the joy of playing tennis. As described in this month’s recommended reading,
, “Competition is enjoyable only when it is a means to perfect one’s skills; when it becomes an end in itself, it ceases to be fun.” This is where Roger Federer comes in.
After a devastating loss in the final of this year’s US Open to Novak Jvokivich in a close four set match, Roger said, “I had a great American trip. I like where my tennis is headed. I enjoyed the match. Congrats to Novak. I will be back next year.” When asked how he keeps competing at the elderly age of 34, Roger says that he still enjoys what he does. He loves to travel and being on the tour for almost 20 years, he has known numerous cities around the world. His trip to New York included taking his family driving through Times Square to see Neverland, the Broadway show and visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art's China Exhibit. He spent his youth hitting against backboards and he still loves playing the game; the fact that he can play in front of big crowds against players who challenge him is such a thrill. He continuously learns new techniques and the "SABR" (
S
neak
A
ttack
B
y
R
oger) strategy was all the rage at the Open. He used this many times against Novak and although it still feels uncomfortable, he knows the crowds love it and his opponents do not!Neurochemistry now shows that when we are under stress, the brain’s activity shifts toward operating on the survival level and loses its ability to upshift and operate on a higher level. This seemed to happen with Serena as she looked lost when playing Roberta Vinci. In contrast, even though Roger was down 5-2 in the final set, he was fighting to the end, broke serve and still held his own to get to 5-4 before succumbing to Novak.There are so many books and definitions of how to be confident and successful in sports, work, and life. The idea of enjoying the game always seem to be undervalued. When I ask women leaders who attend a year-long leadership development program that I run what are their top rules for success, enjoying the game is rarely on the list. Roger has reminded me if you want to continue to perform at a high level, you need to put it at the top of the list. Roger seems to find it by adding things to his game, relishing the challenge, and even practices that doesn't necessarily have to do with the game per se, such as making the travel fun.I might never reach Federer or Serena’s level of performance or success but I am going to rearrange my to-do list to make sure that delighting and appreciating the game is at the top. For me, this means, reading, writing, experimenting with new techniques, collaborating with people I like, working with diverse groups, and reveling in challenges. What are your practices for keeping joy of the game at the top of your to do list?