Learning to Feel Satisfied, Regardless of the Outcome

Doubles tennis has always been my favorite sport to play and watch. At the professional level, it’s a fast-paced game that demands strategy, partnership, strong volley skills, and a surprising focus on creating a positive emotional climate. One player who exemplifies this is Leander Paes, one of the world’s greatest doubles players, who has won ten Grand Slam doubles titles.

A few years ago, I watched Paes in a tough third-round doubles match at the US Open. While his quick feet, sharp angles, and crisp volleys were impressive, what truly caught my attention was the dynamic between him and his partner on the court. After each point—win or lose—they would high-five and have a brief ten- to fifteen-second chat before returning to their positions. This wasn’t just a one-time occurrence; it was a consistent pattern. Regardless of the point’s outcome, there was constant communication and acknowledgment of effort. There was no dramatic celebration after a big win or dwelling on a poorly played point. Even after two hours of grueling play in ninety-degree weather, which ended in a 6-2, 4-6, 6-1 loss, their routine remained unchanged.

This piqued my curiosity. I started watching more professional doubles matches and noticed that most teams followed a similar pattern. It seemed to be an industry best practice—a habit of satisfaction. The simple act of slapping hands after each point, whether won or lost, was a deliberate, physical way of acknowledging satisfaction. Tennis may be a sport, but taking the time to acknowledge satisfaction isn’t common in sports—or in life, for that matter—unless one is winning. This physical act appears to keep the team in a positive, or at least neutral, state of mind, allowing them to stay focused and figure out their next move.

This approach is supported by Jim Loehr, a performance psychologist and best-selling author. Loehr observed that tennis players who managed the sixteen-second break between points effectively were better able to tolerate stress and recover more quickly to reach peak performance. These players took time to reflect, discuss what went wrong, visualize a positive outcome, and then perform a small action—like high-fiving their partner or switching their racquet hand—before moving on. This process helped them stay relaxed and perform better.

So, how can you apply this habit in your everyday life? Learning to feel satisfied is a crucial step for perfectionists or anyone who struggles with feeling inadequate. Celebrating small moments of satisfaction creates a positive emotional state, which research shows can calm the nervous system and foster more creative and flexible thinking.

Three years ago, a tennis partner asked me to join a small local women’s doubles tournament. My initial reaction was to say “no.” As a perfectionist, I didn’t feel ready to win. But my partner convinced me that she was fine with any outcome and just wanted to play for fun. Despite my fear of making a fool of myself, I decided to enter my first doubles tournament in over twenty years. I saw it as an opportunity to challenge myself and improve my tennis game.

Practicing the habit of satisfaction helped me stay positive or neutral when I wasn’t playing well. Instead of slipping into self-doubt—“What was I thinking?”—I managed to stay relaxed, especially as my partner and I high-fived after most points. This allowed me to play better and even discover more creative doubles strategies beyond just hitting the ball over the net. Much to my surprise, we won!

Learning to feel satisfied, regardless of the outcome, can transform not just how you play a sport, but how you approach challenges in life. It’s about acknowledging the effort, staying in the moment, and recognizing that every point—every step—matters.