What REALLY Happens When You Slow Down
“Slow down!”
This is the feedback that I received from my mentor coach as I attempt to achieve the Master Coach Certification (MCC). For those unfamiliar, it is the highest level of certification given out from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The process is involved and rigorous—it includes submitting recordings which evaluators rate “coaching effectiveness.”
For me, the biggest challenge is that I talk too fast and ask too many questions at once. I don’t allow the client enough time to reflect and find their own resourcefulness to resolve their challenges.
I shared this feedback with one of my clients, who in turn asked if the “ICF could allow for regional differences? Everyone in NYC talks too fast!”
I love my client for saying this and wish it were true! As difficult as this process is for me, I know that slowing down will provide a better outcome for me as a coach and for my clients’ development. But it’s the ultimate challenge for me—an ambitious, fast-paced, 30-year resident of NYC!
And I know I’m not alone.
“I just got a huge promotion! The one I have been shooting for and now I am freaking out. Over a hundred people have sent emails, texts, calls, and dropped by to congratulate me. I need to speak with you just for a few minutes before our meeting next week.“
This was the start of a call with my coaching client, Jill*. She shared her worries about not making new revenue goals and not living up to the high expectations that she had set for herself. What if she failed? What if she succeeded?
I told her to slow down and to breathe. She was putting a lot of pressure on herself!
We discussed how it’s normal to feel uncomfortable in the midst of a transition to something new. During our brief conversation, she found self-compassion by stepping back, and recalling that she had successfully managed many promotions in the past. She knew she had the ability to manage this one, too.
At the beginning of a new year, we often set lofty goals for ourselves: making big moves at work, running a marathon, changing careers, finding a better job… the goals can be daunting, especially amidst recent news of corporate layoffs.
When I think of my conversation with Jill, along with the advice I received from my own mentor, the key to bringing your best self to these transitions is to slow down, reflect, reach out and have a conversation with someone you trust.
Otherwise, you may react negatively or move too fast in the wrong direction. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and then take a step back. This will help you to find self- compassion and see your options for moving forward.
Another client of mine, Sam*, began a new C-suite role six months ago and was still attempting to navigate the change. We reviewed her typical work day and another that ended at midnight. As she discussed her current To-do list and where she wanted to spend her time, it became apparent that she was moving away from executing toward strategic thinking and relationship-building.
Her realization was that she enjoyed helping people and rarely said “no” to requests. She was stretching herself too thin. I observed that she was in the middle of the transition and hadn’t quite found her groove. She breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing herself as “in a transition” and not as someone who “couldn’t keep up” allowed her to calm down and find compassion for herself. She needed to accept that she wasn’t going to achieve perfection overnight, even as a high achiever.
Then we began to focus on finding motivation for delegating more, asking her key reports to step up, and figuring out ways to make time for strategic thinking.
When we elevate our ambitions, our expectations rise with them. We tend to beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them.
When I get frustrated with myself for my own imperfections, I return to the mental toughness strategies I use as a competitive tennis player. Aside from their incredible talent, the tennis players who win the big matches have learned to stay calm under pressure. Research has proven that tennis players who take advantage of the 20 seconds between the points to reflect, breathe, visualize correcting a mistake and hitting a better shot are more relaxed. Their ability to slow down allows them to perform better.
As we find ourselves in the second month of the year, I am focusing my attention on slowing down. I am asking one question at a time, trying not to interrupt, keeping my body language open, and taking the time to reflect. And, I don’t beat myself up when I interrupt.
If that’s not enough, I take a few minutes to hula hoop. It calms me down, reminds me how much I love a challenge, and I find my motivation again!
Much like the tennis players, slowing down is allowing me to reflect, breathe, and perform better… to achieve my goals faster.
What do you discover when you slow down?
* Names changed to protect clients’ privacy.