Learning to Manage Emotions and Rebound Faster
My husband and I recently visited Florida. Despite the sunny weather and my excitement to watch tennis at the Miami Open, the trip started with an emotional hangover.
Old family wounds had been reopened. After 24 hours of trying to suppress my negative feelings, I finally shared them with my husband. He compassionately listened and understood why I might feel this way. Almost instantly I started feeling better and moved on.
Why did I have to wait so long to voice how I was feeling? Why am I so hard on myself?
Because of this, I viewed the Miami Open with a real curiosity around how players manage their emotions, especially when they lose a critical game or make a terrible mistake.
Winning a tennis match at the professional level is mostly a result of how you manage the mental aspects of the game given that many games come down to who wins one or two deciding points. While I have won many tennis tournaments, I have found that managing my emotions—especially in the deciding moments—is one of the most difficult aspects of competition.
There were two examples that really stood out for me. One was quite disturbing.
I watched Francis Tiafoe, a top American player, melt down and lose a match he could have won. He had won the first set 7-6 and was winning the second set until he lost it in a tie breaker. Francis began the third set making one mistake after the other and his body language moved from fist pumping after every point to walking around with his head down looking completely lost, throwing his hands up in disgust and actually breaking his racket.
robbiesaurus from Smithtown, NY, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons
Needless to say, he lost the third set quickly.
As a fan, I wondered how and why he let this happen. It was upsetting to watch a favorite player—usually so animated—gesturing, pounding his chest, appealing to the audience, and flashing his incredible smile.
The player I saw seemed to have lost all confidence and his positive life force.
After watching that mental breakdown, I needed a break. It felt too close to home as recalled a few matches that I lost through emotional meltdowns. Francis reminded me of my worst losses.
I needed to watch a player who could show me a positive approach to manage those mental demons.
I headed to a women’s doubles match between Elise Mertens and Veronika Kudermetova. As a doubles player (and winner!), I always enjoy watching these matches.
si.robi, CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons
si.robi, CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons
Mertens and Kudermetova are the top seeds and had won the first set and had a slight lead in the second set.
In contrast to Tiafoe, the losing team demonstrated incredible mental toughness. They won the second set and pushed the match to a thrilling third set tie breaker!
While the Australian and Dutch team ultimately lost, their play and body language was strong until the very last point.
I was so impressed by each team. After every point, the women would high-five each other, even if they made terrible shots.
I was in awe, witnessing their body language changing from despair—head down and a look of disgust—to walking in confidence with her head up after the simple action of slapping hands. And they never missed an opportunity to high-five each other.
It might have been just another day at “the office” for these players, theirt ritual reminded me of the importance of making time to let go and move on when you experience challenging emotions.
Since competitive tennis is played with at least 25 seconds between points, there is built-in time to let go, celebrate, and move on. Tennis players don’t have to feel guilty or force themselves to “make time” to shrug off and manage their emotions.
https://twitter.com/elise_mertens/status/1508459926158467072?s=20&t=t2edzEEK0lzVurSFC8O4xQ
I left this match feeling recharged, wishing that I could rebound as fast as these amazing players. I revisit my lingering emotions and realize that I was acting like Francis Tiafoe and beating myself up. He wears his feelings on his face, sleeves, and every body part, reminding me that our emotions are just below the surface. Just how do we embrace our sensitivity and emotions… without letting them drive the bus?
Taking a moment after a success or failure creates a re-set, by shaking off the mistake or celebrating the win.
The doubles players’ high-five gesture is simple yet significant. It connects the teammates and reminds them to accept whatever happened and move on.
My tendency is to ruminate about something and let it fester until—like Francis—I am breaking my racket! My goal is to create a new habit: acknowledge the negative feeling and allow myself to really feel it, despite the unpleasantness, then move on. When I feel myself going down the rabbit hole, I’ll take a small action, like five breaths, reaching out to my husband, writing down my feelings, or just taking a five-minute break.
When I get to acceptance, I will bring more positive energy and creativity to life’s challenges and be at my best for each moment. Maybe I will feel a little lighter, which seems like a wonderful spring goal.
It is time for a spring refresh. Take some time—and self-compassion—between meetings and conversations to manage your emotions.