How I left those black diamonds behind!
It happened to me on the ski slopes in Park City, Utah. The last time I skied, pre-pandemic, was on mostly intermediate and advanced intermediate trails. Three year later, I felt out of sorts and afraid of anything more than an easy intermediate slope. My first reaction were thoughts like, “What is wrong with you?” and “You should be able to ski better than this after taking lessons for 20 years!”
Beyond fear, I felt shame and disappointment in myself, which is not the best mind-set at the top of a steep, snowy hill.
I couldn’t help thinking back to my Cambodia trip…
Luckily, a small voice inside of me spoke up. That inner voice was born 15 years ago during life coaching.
I had just started my own consulting practice and was overworked and exhausted. A friend suggested working with a life/business coach.
One of the first things my coach asked me was about my approach to self-care and self-compassion.
Her view was that when we are experiencing challenges in life, we need to increase the self-care.
This was a completely foreign idea to me. I came from the school of hard work and when things get tough, you put on your big girl underpants and work harder.
At first, this idea of being nice to yourself seemed silly, pointless and inauthentic. But, as I practiced simple habits such as starting my day with writing down five things I was grateful for, listing my accomplishments each week, challenging negative self-views, and taking better care of myself through massages, walks in the park, and visits with friends, I noticed that I became a little more optimistic. Despite my pessimism, I had to admit that these tiny habits were creating a new mood of confidence. Maybe I can handle life’s challenges with more grace.
Now, 15 years later, as I am staring down a cold snowy hill and am deciding which way to ski down the hill, the old fist-in-the-back self says, “ ski the intermediate run – don’t be a wimp!” yet the kinder me asks me, “This is your vacation, what will be the most fun?”. I smile and ask the old me to take a back seat and allow the self-compassionate me to take over. I choose the easy trail and delight in cruising down the mountain. I couldn’t stop grinning all the way down the mountain as the speed at which I made this decision was astounding to me. While I might not be the fastest skier on the mountain, I felt like the most resilient.
As someone who has always valued working hard and results, increasing the speed at which I can move from beating myself up to making choices that are more life-affirming seems like an achievement worth celebrating! As I continue to get back out there in the world after a Covid break, I will let the perfectionist-hard-driving self know that she is no longer driving this bus. She can still remain on the bus as she does have a purpose of making sure that things get done well. But, what is going to support me to make the most life-affirming decisions is leading with self-love. I can feel the softness and warmth of this choice all over my body versus the harshness and stiffness of the fist-in-the-back approach. Listening to these sensations in my body, kept me safe and happy during my ski trip. I still challenged myself to ski blue runs, but I did it when it felt right versus when I thought I “should” do it. I ended my ski vacation, with newfound appreciation for self-compassion and gratitude for all those years of diligently building up my resilience one tiny step at a time. I feel re-energized to re-create a new post-Covid life feeling a little lighter having left some of those heavy “Should’s” on a ski mountain in Utah!