What’s your relationship with risk-taking?
What does Ruth Bader Ginsberg have in common with Eileen Gu (the new teenage, semi-controversial sensation from San Francisco who is represented China in the 2022 Winter Olympics)?
They both faced their fears and overcome seemingly insurmountable odds with grace and poise.
Kathryn Mayer with one of her heroes
I recently visited an exhibit on Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s life at the New-York Historical Society. I was in awe of how this woman—barely 5-feet tall—challenged and changed some crucial laws by convincing judges who were predominantly white men. Because of Ruth’s work, women can have credit cards in their own names and men can receive paternity benefits.
I was enthralled by Eileen during the Olympics, watching her jump and flip 10-20 feet in the air! Who does stuff like that?
These examples inspire me to revisit my own relationship with fear.
How can I reframe my own fears, such as losing a tennis match or that my forthcoming book might be a flop, in a more positive way?
How do some people seem to be so fearless? Are they just born that way? Can risk tolerance be developed? This is echoes the famous question about leaders—are they born or made? Most people know the answer to that one. Leadership skills can be taught.
In our age of constant change, isn’t is critical to have a healthy and positive relationship with risk-taking?
I have always thought of myself as a risk-taker who is afraid to take risks. How’s that for a contradiction? I learned about risk-taking on the tennis court. When I was 10 years old, I was already five feet, nine inches tall. My tennis coach said, “Run to the net as often as possible. It will scare the other little girls.”
I followed his instructions and remember the sheer thrill of winning a lot of tournaments before I was 14 years old. Then, the little girls grew up and my height advantage disappeared. Sadly I wasn’t able to adjust and develop a new strategy as that would have meant losing initially.
When I think of playing tennis matches against people that I should beat I become fearful. What if I lose? I will look and feel like a joke. While I became a good tennis player as a child, winning or losing became my identity which led me to suffer from perfectionism—I was only as good as my latest win.
Fast forward forty years and there is still a little voice that says, “Are you sure you are good enough to play against that person?” Or, publish that book?… the list goes on…
When those small, negative voices emerge in my head, I need to channel my inner RBG! She faced so much adversity, beginning at Harvard Law School. Back in 1956, the dean would chide the 8 women (out of a class of 500) for taking the place of a man! Ruth persevered and made the Harvard Law Review. She was tough and also deeply loved by her husband who supported in so many ways. He took care of their two children, cooked, and helped her get the attention of Bill Clinton, who eventually recommended her for the supreme court. Her supportive partner seemed critical to her risk-taking.
So, how does one go about planning to take those risks? How do you learn to soar like Eileen Gu in the halfpipe and Slopestyle and big air competitions?
By Martin Rulsch, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 4.0, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=92067228
The NYTimes published an interview with her that was titled, “I admit it. I’m in love with fear.” Eileen talked about how she had to learn to build a unique relationship with fear by developing a profound sense of self-awareness and making very deliberate risk assessments.
I have noticed that she spends time visualizing her jumps before she heads down the mountain. This is obvious as you see her close her eyes which is followed by her head appearing to draw circles. Visualization is a proven technique that has helped many athletes and public speakers, including me.
The quote that stunned me the most is, “I’m proud of the work I’ve done to cope with pressure by bolstering my self-esteem and minimizing my need for external validation. I focus on gratitude, perspective and on the joy this sport brings me regardless of whether I’m alone or in front of a world TV audience.”
How does an 18-year possess such self-confidence?
Both Ruth and Eileen have reminded me that I need to fall back in love with risk-taking. Watching Eileen smile after each run and hearing her describe the joy she experiences while skiing has rekindled my appreciation of the importance of having challenges in your life. It reminded me of the delight I experience when I rush to the net while playing tennis even if my opponent passes me and I lose the point.
A life devoid of challenges wouldn’t be worth living. Play it safe all the time for what reason? To look good in the moment?
What if I focus on the joy that I receive from playing the game of tennis or from writing versus the dread of possible bad outcomes? Perhaps the message is the more we can tune into the why we enjoy what we do, we can focus less on the end result and learn to savor the process.
Instead of feeling that I might not be good enough, I will set the intention to have fun with my tennis and visualize myself actually wallowing in the pleasure of hitting balls and hopefully running the other person from side to side!