Finding Peace in Unexpected Loss: How Gratitude and Self-Compassion Changed My Life
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For a long time, I thought gratitude was reserved for monumental achievements, like a new job or a life-changing event. Otherwise, gratitude felt like one of those trendy, overly simplistic ideas that didn’t quite resonate with me.
That perspective changed dramatically one December when I was fired—right before Christmas!
It wasn’t just any job. I was working for a women’s empowerment nonprofit, a role I deeply valued. But the organization's leader, someone I’ll never forget for her ruthlessness, abruptly let me go.
At first, I was devastated. The sense of betrayal hit hard—I had experienced demanding environments before, having worked at investment banks with their fair share of cutthroat individuals, but this was different. At first, I felt like I’d lost faith in humanity and myself. The emotions were overwhelming. I felt shame—how did I, a savvy, experienced professional, find myself in this position?
This was soon followed by grief—I mourned the future I’d imagined, one filled with purpose and impact for women in developing countries. This was quickly followed by anger—the board allowed this toxic leader to exploit and discard people, perpetuating a damaging cycle.
The Shift Toward Healing
At my lowest point, my coach encouraged me to do two things:
Focus on having self-compassion
Start a gratitude practice each morning for at least five minutes
She explained that the happiest people tend to be the kindest to themselves and the most grateful. While this made sense, it felt impossible at first. Forgiving myself for what I saw as a failure and finding things to be thankful for amidst the chaos seemed daunting.
Photo by Dmitry Kropachev on Unsplash
My initial gratitude lists were short and repetitive: my supportive husband, our cozy apartment, and a few close friends. But I stuck with it, committing to just five minutes each morning. Slowly, this tiny habit became a lifeline. Gratitude and self-compassion didn’t erase the pain, but they gave me the courage to face it. Little by little, I shared my disappointment with others, began to heal, and opened myself to new possibilities. I wasn’t crying constantly by Christmas—a small but significant victory.
Today, gratitude remains a cornerstone of my daily routine. Every morning, I write down three things I’m grateful for and challenge myself to find something new daily. This simple act can snap me out of negativity and refocus my perspective.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
Through my work on The Productive Perfectionist and coaching sessions with amazing women, I’ve seen a common thread: perfectionists are often incredibly hard on themselves. But that self-criticism isn’t helping—it’s holding them back.
One of the greatest insights from my coaching pilots, which helped me create the Productive Perfectionist book, was that self-compassion isn’t a luxury; it’s foundational. Treating yourself with kindness opens the door to greater creativity, resilience, and productivity.
Without self-compassion, negativity limits us. It narrows our thinking, dims our possibilities, and keeps us playing small. For example, imagine a leader dismissing your ideas in a meeting. It’s easy to spiral into resentment or self-doubt. But if you approach the situation with self-compassion, you might notice subtle signs of support from others in the room—a smile or a nod. That awareness could inspire you to follow up with those individuals, building connections and finding allies for future collaboration.
By supporting yourself, you create space for new options to emerge.
This Holiday Season, Give Yourself a Break
As the holidays approach, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by to-do lists, challenging emotions, or even uncertainty about what to buy your 90-year-old aunt. When those feelings arise, I invite you to try this:
Take five minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for.
Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
These small acts might shift your mindset, spark an idea, or help you see the season’s beauty—even in its imperfection.
I’d love to hear how these habits help you navigate the holidays and embrace their gifts.
Wishing you a season filled with peace, joy, and self-kindness.
Happy Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, or however you celebrate!